i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
