i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
