why didn't you poke me back
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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