This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
