My sheets look like a crime scene.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize