He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
