what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
