I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize