Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
