I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
