somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
