I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
