You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
