Got a toothbrush?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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