I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
