Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
