you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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