First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i dont even know how to be here
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
