At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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