Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
