she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
We smell like vodka and hangover
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