why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
