how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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