shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
