Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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