Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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