I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He passed out mid-signature
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
