Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize