Where is the hickey?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
