apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I need water and some morals
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
