I bet he comes in French.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
