I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
