I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
