Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
