i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
