She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
