I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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