Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
