She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
