i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
