Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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