i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
