I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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