Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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