i will never coherently bang her
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
