god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
