I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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