Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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