I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize