My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
