And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
