I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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