If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
