just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
