my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
