I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
