This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
