Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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