If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize