1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
