People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My life is pants optional.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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