Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
