everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have already put on my inside pants.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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