Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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