He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He did a backflip because drugs
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